I'm wrestling with how to actively participate in this formal pursuit of God called seminary. Everyday I'm confronted with what feels like a crossroads where two questions are asked, two signs are posted: This way for knowledge about God ----> This way for participation with God <----.
In the first option, I'm the one basically in charge. I decide what comes in and what goes out. I decide what to spend my energy on and what gets shelved. I choose the questions that get asked and I come up with the answers that 'fit' what I want my theology to look like. And I do this all of the time already in my devotions. I attempt to scale down large, epic narratives in Scripture to my own little backyard playground. I attempt to confine attributes like "holy" and "sovereign" to abstract concepts that prove my faith to be the right one. And the further I head down this road, the more God becomes an acquaintance, someone I know by association, but not someone I know by experience.
But the second option has a different scenery altogether. When I let Him do the narrating, do the telling of the story, do the asking of the questions, I find myself instead the one not doing the inviting but rather the one who was invited. Invited to step into the large, epic narrative and stand in wonder and awe at Who He is and what He's done. "Holy" and "sovereign" become attributes to be celebrated and marveled. The very thought of even being invited into such a marvelous and breathtaking story is completely humbling.
I'm beginning to understand Emmanuel - God with Us in light of all this. I just read an example of this in a reading today on "knowing" God. It's one thing to talk about a person who is not in the room. We control the conversation. But when the person enters the room, our conversation has to change. We can no longer speak in the abstract about the person. He has to be part of the discussion. When Jesus came to earth and contained Himself into His own creation, the storyline took a remarkable turn. He was now here demonstrating to us who He was. No more speculation, no more wondering what He might look like. Here He was. God with us.
My prayer is that Jesus would, everyday, enter into this conversation of seminary. And not just seminary, but anywhere I go. Come in, Jesus. Inhabit. Lead the discussion. Ask the questions. Teach me what it is to know You. And LORD, everyday, may I stand in awe and wonder at the opportunity to be invited to participate.
