Part of our reading this week had to do with distortions that can arise when we are following God’s call on our lives. Pride, the temptation to believe that we are responsible for our gifting, and envy, the temptation to evaluate and compare giftings, are as core to us in our fallenness as seeds are to fruit. Human achievement (look what I can do) and human audience (see what I can do) influence us to places of pride in our calling. Inordinate desire (I find meaning in what I do) and competition (I can do it best) can corrupt our motivations in how we carry out our calling.
There is probably no sin, in following our call, that is better ‘masked’ than pride and envy. We learn over time how to disguise our motivations to be noticed by wearing false humility and spouting ‘glory to God’ phrases while internally giving ourselves the glory and fantasizing about how far our gifts will take us. We develop abilities to find prominence and position by evaluating our passion and our giftedness in the pale light of where it ranks in the bell-shaped curve of ministry effectiveness or theological intelligence.
I speak so strongly on it because I’m so guilty of it. It is a daily dependence on God’s grace to scour the prideful and envious recesses of my heart. As a musician, most of my learning of how to hone my gifts had to do with other’s evaluation of me or what rank I received in competitions. While there’s nothing wrong, in itself, with evaluation or competition, what goes on within my heart is what needs daily guarding: a posture of humility. I pray for God’s constant intercession to remind me He alone is the source of all giftedness and the One to whom all glory and credit and praise and honor is due. I am the instrument. He is the composer of the song, the maker and player of the instrument and ultimately, the audience.
